Revising Leah

December 19, 2008

Blurb: Version 2.7.3

Filed under: Uncategorized — J.M. Reep @ 12:40 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So far, in the epic struggle between author and blurb, the blurb has been kicking the author’s butt. Blurbs are such tricky things to write. They’re poems, really, where every word must be chosen with care and arranged in just the right order to achieve the desired effect in the reader (in this case, to generate interest in my novel).

But I think I might have finally reached a turning point. Last night, before bed, I worked on the blurb some more. At last, I might have found my blurb. Before I get to that, though, let’s recap the string of misses that I’ve written since Thanksgiving:

  • Alone and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life in isolation, with only books to keep her company. But when she begins ninth grade, she finds herself thrust into the complicated and confusing world of high school. And when she falls in love with a boy from her class, she must choose between  the girl the world expects her to be and the girl she is.

  • Introverted and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life in isolation, with only books to keep her company. But when she begins ninth grade, she finds herself thrust into the complicated and confusing world of high school. And when she falls in love with a boy from her class, she must choose between the girl the world expects her to be and the girl she is.

  • Introverted and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life alone, with only books to keep her company. As she starts high school, she finds herself lost in the complicated and confusing world of high school. And when she falls in love with a boy from her class, can she find a way to fit in yet stay true to herself?

  • Introverted and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life alone, with only books to keep her company. As she starts high school, she finds herself lost in the complicated and confusing world of high school-especially when she falls in love with a boy from her class. Can she learn to overcome her shyness and be the girl that her classmates and her parents expect her to be?

  • Introverted and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life alone, with only books to keep her company. As she starts high school, she finds herself lost in the complicated and confusing world of high school-especially when she falls in love with a boy from her class. Can she learn to overcome her shyness and be the girl that the whole world expects her to be?

As you can see, I have an idea of what I want to say and how I want to say it, but I’m struggling to find just the right words and phrases. (Story of my life, actually.) One strategy that I’ve been using for these blurbs is to talk out loud. I’ve found that while revising the novel, when I came upon a sentence that sounded strange or confusing but didn’t offer an obvious solution, talking out loud — attempting to describe to myself what I mean to say — helped me find a solution to the problem. I’ve used that technique as I’ve worked on this blurb. Here’s the current version, written late last night:

Introverted and shy, 14-year-old Leah Nells has lived her life alone, with only books to keep her company. As she starts 9th grade, she finds herself lost and confused within the perplexing social universe of high school — especially when she falls in love with a boy from her class. Under pressure from her parents, her classmates, and the whole noisy world, can she become the girl she wants to be?

Today, when I look at this version of the blurb with fresh, rested eyes, I’m still happy with the first and third sentences, but the second sentence, specifically the phrase “the perplexing social universe of high school,” rubs me the wrong way (I think I need to do something about the word “social”, which sounds too formal to me — and “perplexing” might not be the best word either). I still have work to do, but, for the most part, this version of the blurb passes the same test that I use for all of my writing: can I read it without cringing or rolling my eyes? For this blurb, I can.

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